On The Edge

Fun with Needles

2008-12-03T18:12:00.004-05:00

Epidural Round 2 was Monday. The first one had nearly worn off after about a week and a half. It's hoped/expected/anticipated that this one will last longer. I have, of course, spent enough time in doctors' offices over the past few years that I always go prepared:

And this is the bitch that has been trying to ruin my life for the past few years. I told her to fuck off:

Let's see if she listens this time.

Free At Last

2008-11-25T21:58:00.004-05:00

After 4 years of daily pain, ranging between annoying and agonising, I am pain-free. I had my first epidurals last week, and it's been incredible. They stuck two needles in my spine, one on each side. The first day was completely pain-free, but I started having twinges the next day. That worried me, but I'd had no delusions that this was a permanent solution. The twinges are few and far between, and so mild as to be forgettable. I had expected that the epidurals would stop the twinges, flashes, and searing stabbing pains, but had not thought about their effect on "the cripple walk." At the end of a brutal day at work, I could barely walk. I'd get home, sit in my chair (no couch allowed) to knit, and then could barely get back up. In the mornings, I got up half an hour early and hobbled around whilst clutching the furniture, unable to stand upright. And now, it's gone. Completely gone. I can walk like a normal person again.

This may sound like no big deal, but to me, it's downright miraculous. I was always a "can do," active person. I have spent the past 4+ years as a "can't do" person, at various stages from disabled to not-quite-abled. Now, I can get out of bed and walk across the room like a normal person. I can dash across the store to help a customer after 14 hours of standing on concrete. I can bend down and pick something off the floor. I even got a massage and let her touch the base of my spine, something that would have had me screaming in agony just a week earlier.

Again, I have no delusions that this is a permanent solution. The shots are most effective in multiples, and I'm scheduled for the second set next week. Alex is somewhat (and justifiably) opposed to this process, as it doesn't cure the underlying cause of the pain, just keeps me from feeling it. If and when this blissful pain-free state goes away, I'll be ready to consider surgery. But for now, I'm just enjoying the ride.

Celebrating

2008-11-12T20:04:00.003-05:00

So I don't have cancer. It appears I was misdiagnosed 10 years ago, and needn't have spent the intervening years avoiding follow-up care. I got this great news 2 days after my birthday, at a doctor's office that was conveniently 2 blocks from the knitting shop in Warrenton. Determined to treat myself for both birthday and the good health news, I made an extravagant yarn purchase. I kept trying to talk myself out of the yarn, but by the fourth time I found myself fondling it, I knew it had to be mine. It's taken me awhile to find the right pattern to showcase the yarn, but I'm struggling through a beautiful (if flawed) shawl pattern. When it's done, I'll wear it to cover my cancer-free skin.

History

2008-11-05T19:36:00.003-05:00

The first time I ever voted, I cast my presidential ballot for a black man. Last night, I cried as I watched him cry, as we watched history unfold.

Not Tired x 2

2008-10-13T09:05:00.001-05:00

Me: I'm going in for the sleep study tonight. I have to be there by 7:30.
Alex: What are you going to do from 7:30 until bedtime?
Me: I'll take my knitting.
Alex: You should take a book, too, in case you get tired of knitting.
Me: Never heard of it.

I Can Quit Anytime I Want

2008-10-08T19:06:00.002-05:00

When I pushed aside my hand-knitted sweater to reach into my hand-knitted purse for the hand-knitted gloves, I realised I might be a wee bit obsessed.

Kudos to Karen

2008-10-03T13:35:00.001-05:00

"She is George Bush in a skirt who wants to be Dick Cheney .... She is a menace and I want her exiled back to Alaska for good, where I will never see or hear her again."

Photo Expedition

2008-09-29T20:17:00.002-05:00

We spent the past few days in Richmond for Amy and Jason's wedding. The ceremony and reception were in the new rose garden at the Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden. Alex was the photographer and I did the marrying.

Since we were down there, we went to Hollywood Cemetery for a photo expedition. I wanted to force myself to learn some photographic fundamentals, particularly the effect of changes in exposure. As an added challenge, I used only the dreaded wide-angle lens. We also took some shots of the Richmond Dairy apartments, thanks to the helpful folks at Roadside America.

The photos are here.

And Now We Are Four

2008-09-11T16:56:00.002-05:00

My little whirlwind of destruction, my little 'tard, my baby dog: today she is 4. Eventually she turned into a decent dog...thank the heavens. And yes, Deborah, she still looks like she wants to eat my house.

Circle of Friends

2008-09-07T22:21:00.003-05:00

If I've called you in the past week and said, "hey, I miss you, call me," but haven't heard from you, you're on the Friend Backburner.

If I've called you in the past year and said, "hey, I'm a fuckup that forgets to call people," but haven't heard from you, you're on the Friend Reserves.

If I've emailed you and said, "I have skin cancer," but haven't heard from you, you're not my friend.

If disappeared without a forwarding address, and I haven't heard from you, you're not my friend.

If you read this and know that it's about you, and you don't try to fix it, you're not my friend.

Sittin' On Top Of The World

2008-09-04T23:43:00.006-05:00

We celebrated our 4th anniversary by camping and hiking along Skyline Drive. We started by hiking to the panoramic views atop Mary's Rock.

To give you an idea of exactly how high up we were, you'll see the Thornton Gap entrance, elevation 2,304 ft., in the upper right corner, with Alex's foot hanging over the side as we relaxed at 3,514 ft.

The next day, we made some "improvisations" in the agenda (never call it "poor planning") and ended up attempting a grueling hike backwards. Note to self: make sure the second half of the hike is downhill. We went in search of Overall Run, a 93' waterfall. Second note to self: waterfalls aren't terribly impressive during a drought.

Still, it was a beautiful hike in complete solitude. There were no other people on the trail, and only a single bear cub.

We're exhausted and sore. We hurt in places we didn't know we had places. And we're already planning to do it again next month.

Back to Normal

2008-08-26T14:51:00.002-05:00

Summer is winding down, the Olympics are over, and it's time for my life to get back to normal. I'm not really sure what "normal" is for me these days, but I know it won't involve weekend kayaking excursions, or avoiding as much work as possible during the Olympics so I could knit feverishly whilst following the medal count. I'll squeeze a little more fun out of the season with one last camping trip before I dig in for Holiday Hell, but after that, it's all downhill until New Year's. Yay.

Olympic Knitting

2008-07-06T08:08:00.002-05:00

Yes, I really am that much of a knitting geek now. I've signed up for the Ravelympics* competing in the Sweater Sprint. The goal is to start the project during the Opening Ceremonies and finish by the time the flame goes out. Wish me luck!

* You'll need to join Ravelry to access the link.

Fever

2008-07-05T10:56:00.003-05:00

That's right, it's nearly time for the Olympics. I have Olympic Fever, and I have it bad. Ever since I was a child, I have been a complete Olympics junkie. I watch it all, no matter how obscure the event, and now, thanks to TiVo, I can even catch the 3 a.m. sailing or 5 a.m. archery. I've already started following the swimming trials. Crunched for time, I reluctantly skipped the track and field trials.

I don't follow other sports. Hell, I haven't even followed Wimbledon this year. But for 2 weeks, every 2 years, I devote myself wholeheartedly to NothingButSports. I'll be sitting in front of the telly, knitting furiously, cheering, yelling at the screen, obsessing about backstories, and analysing stats. Fortunately, Alex not only indulges this mania, but he joins in it. He wasn't an Olympics junkie before me, but he certainly is now.

Summer Fun

2008-07-03T07:57:00.004-05:00

For the first time in waaaay too long, I've managed to carve out a little Me Time and have some fun. Andi is back from Seattle, and we had a Welcome Home bonfire for her on Saturday. As always, I got there late after work and was exhausted, but it was still fun. She loves her room that Pam and I decorated for her in a Hepburnesque "Parisian Holiday" way.

On Monday, I went to Mount Vernon with Andi, Jenny and Eric for his 30th birthday. I've always wanted to go there, a surprising gap in my local historical site credentials. A year ago, they opened a new exhibit at the off-site Gristmill and Distillery site, and we also got a behind-the-scenes tour of areas used in the new National Treasures 2 movie (guess I should watch that now). My pics are here.

In less than a week, we're headed off for vacation. We're going to All Good, where we'll be working at the box office and gate. It's a sweet gig--free admission, shift meals, private camping area, and $10/hour. Most of that will undoubtedly be used for gas money, but it's a great way to afford the trip. We bought a pimped-out new tent for the occasion and have already started stockpiling beer. And it's perfect timing, as I reeeeeally need to get out of town, and out of my head, for a few days.

The Emails We Should Get

2008-06-02T21:09:00.000-05:00

Dear Peggy,

I'm sorry to hear things have been so crazy for you. I hope everything is okay. I suspect, by your tone, that it is not. I hope your family is alright--how is your grandmother's health? And work: retail is an uncertain world, so I know how unfortunate it is to go from 5 FT employees to 3, especially when one of the remaining 3 is incommunicado on company business for nearly a month. I'm sure there are many other things calling for your attention right now, but this is a subject that is very important to me. I'd appreciate it if you would let me know what steps will be taken in the next 2 weeks to resolve it. I understand how difficult it is for you to do that, while working 70-hour weeks with no internet connection, and I'm sure your physical therapist will stop leaving you "I miss you" messages before long. But really, this is very important, so please do me the courtesy of expediting this process.

Regards,

Him

Impromptu Fun

2008-05-25T16:14:00.002-05:00

With the boss away for the holiday weekend, then away for 2 weeks touring wineries in Europe, I assumed I'd be slaving away at the store all weekend. Instead, I discovered that I had Sunday and Monday off. We decided to head out to the Virginia Renaissance Faire at Lake Anna Winery. It's incredibly small, for those of us used to the Maryland one, but close to home and only 7 bucks for a ticket, so we didn't need much to make us happy. Especially considering I'm probably headed to Arizona when the boss gets back, so this is our last free time for the foreseeable future. Yeah, it wasn't that great a festival, but we still had fun. And unlike all my other ren fair visits, when I waste my money on stupid shit and beer, I found a yarn stall! Lagniappe Farms, near Montpelier, was there with handspun overdyed alpaca, as well as 6-week-old alpacas. I bought some sock yarn for Alex, and then introduced him to his socks. He's now convinced we need an alapaca for Teagan to herd.

It's a Knitting Thing--You Wouldn't Understand

2008-05-07T00:23:00.004-05:00

Me: I'm knitting socks.
Suzie: You know you can buy them, like, three for a dollar at Target.

Kitteh Kapers

2008-05-03T21:14:00.003-05:00

Delenn just brought a ginormous moth into the house. Hours of kitteh-tainment will follow, I'm sure. I just can't wait until the dogs join in the fun.

Chillaxed

2008-04-24T16:09:00.003-05:00

Our first of two annual kayaking/camping trips was a blast. If I were to boil it down to some highlights, it would not sound like a great time. Yes, I got sunburned, we thought I sprained my shoulder, my Goretex isn't as rain-proof as it was 15 years ago, and we left a day early to avoid downpours and flooding. However, none of that matters. We had a fantastic time, and I'm already looking forward to the August trip. That will be to celebrate my beloved's 30th birthday. If you're reading this, you should already be making your plans to attend.

It doesn't take much to make me happy

2008-04-08T17:02:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's happiness: new knitting needles.
Today's happiness: pretzel rods and peanut butter.

And the tulips are blooming.

Therapy

2008-04-07T21:10:00.004-05:00

I finally got around to starting physical therapy for my back. While I don't necessarily believe it will fix everything, I'm at least hopeful that it will lessen my chronic pain, which is centered in my sacrum. As I told my boss, "I don't know if you're tired of hearing me complain about the pain, I'm damned tired of feeling it."

The therapist pushed on my back and asked if it hurt. It was excruciating enough that I could barely gasp out a "yes." I assumed everyone would hurt that badly under that amount of pressure, but apparently that's abnormal. He seems to think that we can get me in working order fairly quickly, with a few PT sessions and some yoga-like exercises at home.

I may be skeptical, but I'm also crossing my fingers.

There's No Place Like Home

2008-03-17T10:55:00.003-05:00

After three pointless weeks in the bustling metropolis of Chantilly, I'm back at home. When I left, my crocuses had just started blooming; when I got back, they were done. Fortunately, the hyacinths and daffodils are keeping me company until the tulips are ready. I took a few days off when I got back, intending to garden the entire time. Instead, I stayed indoors and knitted like a fiend when I wasn't sleeping off a cold. I finished a baby blanket (another brainless project) and have started on my first shaped sweater.

Today, of course, is St. Patrick's Day. Given that he's famous for converting the Irish pagans to Christianity, my pagan heart has mixed emotions about the day. However, we'll be having my Guinness Lamb Stew for dinner tonight and staying off the roads. The truly Irish among us refer to tonight as Amateur Night. We'll also be commemorating Delenn's 14th birthday. Fourteen years old and she's still a kitten.

It looks like I'll be traveling a lot less this year than anticipated. The original thinking was 3 weeks home, 3 weeks away, until sometime after Hallowe'en. Now it looks like I'll only have 3 or 4 more trips. As much as I enjoy the assignments, I must admit to being relieved.

Ketchup & Musings

2008-02-25T10:57:00.003-05:00

I'll be spending a good part of this year on the road. Total is opening a bunch of new stores, and I'm on the opening team. I can't get anyone to give me a specific number, but it looks like I'll be away over 20 weeks. Add in the 3 weeks I'm spending in Chantilly for training (finally got that promotion), and we're looking at half the year away from home. It's good for my career, and good for my sanity as far as work goes, but I do miss home terribly. A late night phone call just isn't the same as having Alex tuck me in every night.

So, yeah, I finally got promoted. I'm now the assistant manager. I'd still rather have gotten the wine manager job, but I can grudgingly admit that Rob was right in saying I'm well-suited for the operational minutiae. The training course is a joke. Part of that is because I've been doing this exact job for 2 years, just without the title and salary. And the other part is that our trainer is busy running his own store instead of training us. In a 10 hour shift, we get maybe an hour of training. The rest of the time is busy work and putzing around.

We're already planning the annual spring kayaking trip. Details are here. If you've never been, you should definitely come.

I got to see Julie when I was in California for our Roseville store opening. As always, there's never enough time with her, but we made the most of it. I gave her the Dentelle Belle scarf I'd made. We walked around the Davis Arboretum, which is basically a well-gardened canal path, for several hours and just talked and talked and talked and talked. If I get to go to the Bay area later this year, I'll try to see her again. Five years was just too damned long.

Anna made some beautiful home-spun cotton and silk yarn. I made the Noro scarf out of it and it's gorgeous. I have a couple other projects on the pins right now, and have slacked on several of them for far too long. I started making the Cozy Lace wrap for Suzie's mum last summer, and kept setting it aside for other projects. Sadly, her mum's days are limited, due to some invasive cancer, and I have tremendous regret that I haven't finished it for her. My attention span seems to be limited to scarves right now, and even then I get colossally bored about halfway through. I think that's part of the reason I like lacework so much, since the challenging patterns keep my mind occupied.

Speaking of crafty stuff, I'm newly addicted to The AntiCraft. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who wants to make wicked woolie things. Since everyone I know is knocked up (I'm not drinking the water), I'm trying to find funky stuff to make for all these babies of hipster moms. My current target of pondering is converting the Andre scarf into a baby blanket.

I chopped off my hair again. Last spring, I had reached a point (again) where my options were a chop job or dreadlocks. As much as I'd love to dread my hair, I don't think the corporate honchos would allow that (they think mendhi is pushing it). I chopped it off and grew it back out, only to find myself in the same situation again less than a year later. So I put myself in Nathalie's hands and let her do whatever she wanted, stipulating only that it be wash-and-go and bangs-free. I'm happy with how it turned out, even though it feels strange. I've spent the last 20 years having long hair, usually pulled back, so having something short and free flowing seems foreign. I'll get used to it eventually, probably around the time I decide to grow it out again. One thing's for sure: I'm not going to be one of those women who tries to pretend she hasn't gone grey. That just seems sad, pathetic, and a bit desperate to me. Growing up, my sister had the good hair, but now, I'm getting the good grey. I'm working on a Bonnie Raitt streak.

Dreamland

2008-01-05T13:19:00.001-05:00

I've been having weird dreams lately. They're the kind of dreams that are very close to reality, so they result in some "huh?" moments when I wake, trying to figure out what's real and what's a dream. Sometimes, it's both. Last night I dreamt about back pain--excruciating, scream-inducing, spasming pain. Sadly, that's incredibly true when I'm awake. Sure enough, I woke up in horrible pain, unable to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep. Fortunately, I have a full pharmacy at my disposal, so as soon as my pill cocktail kicks in, I'll be able to go about my day.

It pisses me off that I'm back to living in chronic pain. It frightens me that I no longer scream and grab onto something for dear life when it feels like someone is stabbing me in the spine. Instead, I catch my breath and keep right on going as if nothing is wrong. When I get back from another grueling physical assignment (I'm off to California for 3 weeks of grunt work), I'll definitely get started on physical therapy. It's bad enough that I have pain when I'm awake--I certainly don't need it invading my dreams as well.

I'm Only Humouring Her Because It's Her Birthday

2007-12-14T01:23:00.000-05:00

Happy 40th birthday, Deborah!

This is her meme. I'm blatantly ignoring the repost rules, as I don't read a lot of blogs anymore and, well, I hate Christmas. Bah humbug, but happy birthday anyway!

Here are the questions (feel free to substitute the winter holiday of your choice & to add questions):

What was the best Christmas present you got as a kid? I don't really remember them, except for a dollhouse my father made.
What was the best Christmas present you got as an adult? The Elizabeth I teapot from Alex.
What's your favorite Christmas carol? Adeste Fideles.
How long can you stand to listen to Christmas music before you break? No more than 5 seconds.
How many Christmas albums do you own? If I have any, it's only because my ex left them when he moved out.
Did you ever go caroling as a kid? Every year.
Would you willingly eat fruitcake? Only the cupcake ones that Deborah makes.
Do you own any Christmas sweaters? Hell, no.
Do you own any Christmas jewelry? What? Again with the Hell, no.
Do you wear them? Duh...
Did your family have any weird Christmas traditions? Like what? People biscuits for the dog, and blueberry muffins for breakfast.
Do you buy Christmas presents for your pets? No, but I have been known to put catnip in wrapping paper just to see them tear it apart.
What's your favorite Christmas cookie? Snickerdoodles.
What's your favorite Christmas candy? Not really candy, but dates stuffed with peanut butter and rolled in sugar.
What's your stocking look like? My mother knitted it for me when I was about 5. Santa has a fuzzy beard.
How do you feel about the "Steal from Your Neighbor" Christmas present game (the one where people pick gifts from a pile, but others get to steal it)? Ambivalent.
What is the oldest ornament on your tree? I don't have a tree, but I still have my sequined camel ornament.
Real or artificial? Neither.
How do you feel about Christmas letters? As long as they don't feature phrases like "jellied blood clumps," I don't mind them so much. (I swear I am not making that up.)
Do you have Christmas decorations or lights outside your house? What are they? Nope.
How far would you drive to see Christmas lights? No farther than the tacky neighbourhood I pass every day.
Are you a fan of tasteful or tacky? Tasteful.

And We Have The Shoes To Prove It

2007-12-11T22:39:00.001-05:00

Back in the day, Deborah and I did lots of Irish dancing--mostly ceili, but a fair amount of step as well. To those of you who think Michael Flatley is a god, let me tell you: flipping your hair is NOT an approved step dancing move. To the rest of you, enjoy this video. And as you're watching it, look at the clickety-clackety shoes. They feature 1-inch fiberglass tips under the toes, for extra clickety-clacketyness. The night before my wedding, we hit up an Irish bar in Baltimore, complete with us doing a step display. As it was ending, Deborah whispered to the band, "She's getting married tomorrow." Of course, the boys announced it, and every man in the bar was obligated to waltz with me. I'm still convinced that it was a 45 minute waltz...on my toes...the entire time...complete with 1-inch fiberglass tips under my toes. One day, I'll forgive her for it. Maybe.

Domestic Diva Days

2007-12-03T19:06:00.000-05:00

I may dislike my new boss, but he write schedules that give me 2 days off in a row. We've been able to revive our much-treasured tradition of Lazy Sundays. Yesterday was Cooking and Cleaning Day, which is only allowed on Lazy Sundays if that's what I really want to do. Since that was, in fact, what I really wanted to do, I whipped up some steak(umms) and Gorgonzola omelettes for breakfast, and Potato and Lamb Somozas for dinner. And, yes, I made the pie dough from scratch. Today, I made gingerbread, and tuna steak paninis for lunch. We're having Kashmiri Lamb Curry for dinner tonight, along with some excellent wines I bought with another prize gift card. [pause to sip some excellent cabernet] I even tackled the driveway, a 90-minute battle with the wet leaves. It was desperately needed under the best of circumstances, even more so with rain and snow in the forecast. The rest of this month will be exhaustingly hectic, but at least I can face this week well-rested and well-fed.

Scores Galores

2007-11-25T12:02:00.002-05:00

We received several bags of thrift store clothing that have been making the rounds of Alex's family. Aside from some new slippers and a robe, none of it interested me, so it was all set to be re-re-recycled. Just before falling asleep last night, I realised that the unwanted sweaters were really just free yarn. When I finish another knock-it-out-in-a-day Naima scarf, I'll have plenty of new material to play with.

Thanksgiving was awesome. It was only the second time I'd ever cooked a holiday meal for family, but this one was not filled with all the angst of last time. Thanks to an incentive program I implemented at work, I scored some free wine. We also had gift cards to 2 different grocery stores, so we were able to feast on the cheap. The meal was incredible and so were the wines. In the 2 years and 2 months at Total, this was only the second time I'd requested off on a holiday instead of volunteering, but I think I'll do it again.

I also scored some free exercise equipment. When the cold, dry winter months roll in, doing stuff outdoors is just an invitation for an asthma attack. It will be nice to be able to keep moving without waiting for spring. I'm curious to see how I do with the weight machine, as I'm stronger than I've ever been in my life. It always makes me laugh when customers ask why we don't have men to load the kegs for them. I just tell them that not only am I strong enough to lift the kegs, I'm strong enough to lift most of the men, too.

Lots of scores, no money. "Free" is my favourite 4-letter word.

Yay for yarn

2007-10-23T12:26:00.002-05:00

Tired of knitting with the same cheap acrylic yarn I have on hand, I headed over to The Knitter's Cottage. I tried to be good, really, I did. But there's only so much temptation a girl can resist. So I scooped up 3 skeins of Dalegarn Stork yarn in turquoise, 4 skeins of Tahki cotton classic in pastel multi, and 2 skeins of Elsebeth Lavold cotton frappe in pink. I haven't the vaguest idea what I'm going to make yet, but I'm sure it will be pretty.

I'm halfway done the Ace of Spades scarf, so I'll get started on something new by the end of the week.

Starting Over

2007-10-22T11:28:00.001-05:00

Despite my early success and enthusiasm, the Miranda scarf wasn't working for me. In frustration, I set it aside for the weekend and whipped up a lovely Naima scarf in bright red. It was mindlessly repetitive and therefore easy to do while watching a slew of movies and attending the Make A Difference Day festival. I made it child-sized and will give it to one of the Hippydotkids. Now I'm embarking on the Ace of Spades scarf, out of the same denim yarn I was using for the Miranda. It's complicated, but not technically difficult, so I have high hopes for this one.

And so it continues

2007-10-20T17:22:00.000-05:00

Then my mother showed up and my best friend moved to Egypt.

And so it begins

2007-10-20T08:40:00.000-05:00

My annual birthday curse is in fine form this year. I'm still in my pajamas and am already having a shitty day. I'll spend most of today at the FLS's "Make a Difference Day" festival, alternating between taking pictures, knitting, and avoiding unwanted calls on my cell phone. We had hoped to do a hot air balloon ride yesterday evening, but the weather didn't cooperate. We'll make up for it tomorrow, I hope, with a hike in the Shenandoahs. Cross your fingers for no rain--after a muddy field all day today, I don't think I could handle it on a mountain.

Ketchup & Musings

2007-10-13T09:51:00.001-05:00

I'm off for another reset, the last of the set for this fall. So far, I've done Newport News and Virginia Beach. This week, it's Chesapeake. We've become a rather tight-knit, though far-flung, crew. Virginia Beach was a blast. Courtney and I frolicked in the waves under the full moon while drinking pink Champagne out of pink straws. We ate at Catch 31, the swankiest joint on the boardwalk. Their wine list was incredible, except for the regrettable choice of Dave Matthews' wine, Blenheim Meritage. It was so heinous we sent it back.

Suzie turned 40 this week. Marianne and I spent ages planning her surprise party. Sadly, Marianne was stricken by the flu on the day of the party and missed the whole thing. It was a fab shindig. Partying with a bunch of wine geeks is always fun, except you have to camp out next to the Two Hands if you want to get even a drop out of the bottle. You snooze, you lose. We started by making Suzie drink Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, but ended the evening with gems like a 1989 Mouton-Rothschild Pauillac.

Planning the surprise party was a bitch. Trying to keep a big secret from one of my dearest friends is difficult, as was the guest of honour (then again, she's not the most compliant of people under the best of circumstances). Guests were tricky, and couldn't follow directions. Here's a hint: if the invitation has clues like "bring a bottle of wine," you should bring wine. If it says, "bring some food," don't call me to ask if you can bring anything. If it says, "park away from the house so she doesn't see the cars," you should not park at the end of the driveway. Sigh--when did it become so difficult to do something nice for a friend?

I'm back to dealing with chronic pain. I had hoped to have left that nasty chapter of my life behind me, but apparently there's a sequel. It's been as bad lately as it was in the beginning. What frightens me is that I have learned to deal with excruciating, scream-inducing, debilitating pain with no more than a wince. I have become accustomed to feeling like someone has driven a sword through my lower back. Feeling like my spine has been used as a pogo stick is a daily occurrence, one that I simply endure. Yesterday was a "take one of everything" kind of day. I was so strung out that I was as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Drama-queens and manipulative swine come in all shapes and sizes, and I'm sick of them all. Why can't someone simply accept that s/he is responsible for creating a situation and therefore must accept the consequences? Why can't someone understand that s/he has been removed from my life because of his behaviour, and repeating that behaviour only strengthens my resolve? I have shed a lot of toxic people from my life and feel all the better for it. I created a new circle of friends that have become my family, and I have no desire to poison it with the old toxic elements.

Alison's going-away party is today. This time, they're bound for Egypt, with a new baby in tow. It saddens me how little I've gotten to see her during her current domestic posting. It saddens me that my answer to everything is, "I can't--I have to work."

Alex gave me a digital picture frame for my birthday. Even better, he said it was to display "our art." He's taught me so much about photography. I almost cringe when I look at my old photos. I had learned to take decent snapshots, but he taught me to take good art photographs. I'm going to load up the memory card with some of my fave pictures so I can take it to Chesapeake with me.

I finished Marianne's Christmas present. It's gorgeous, nearly mistake-free, and I can't wait to give it to her. I started on my first cabling project, a scarf made from my souvenir yarn. Alex got it for me in Seattle at the Archie McPhee store. It's made from denim. I was a little worried when I began, as it was difficult to work with. Getting the proper size needles and some cable needles made all the difference in the world, and it's going swimmingly now. Cabling is much easier than I thought, so I have high hopes for a good result.

This week I had a migraine unlike any I've had before. At one point, I had to decide between going blind and passing out, and was seriously considering "both" as an option. My motor skills were shot, so I kept dropping things. I forgot the names of regular customers who were standing right in front of me. I had trouble forming complete and coherent sentences. Marianne's husband suggested I see a neurologist about my back pain, as he went thought something similar, so when I do that, we'll see what's up with the new form of migraine, too.

And with that, I'm off to make Vietnamese Spring Rolls.

Sharps Sessions

2007-09-19T17:26:00.000-05:00

We had a fun- and music-filled weekend at the 2nd Annual Sharps Sessions, out at Stef and Deborah's farm. After working massive amounts of overtime in a stress-laden atmosphere, getting away was a welcome relief. The weekend also marked Porter's first camping trip in several years. Now that she's deaf, it's difficult to take her places, but a big field in the middle of nowhere, away from roads and rushing water, was the perfect place. She was an angel, of course, and had a blast.

The bands were fantastic. The Transmitters put on their usual kick-ass show, but they were totally upstaged by Junk Science. I will definitely make a point to see them again. I got some great shots of the Flea Bitten Dirt Band. After a gazillion past attempts to get a "momma shot" of Raph, I finally got one.

There are oodles of our pics on Alex's Sharps Sessions Gallery.

I did henna tattoos, with all the proceeds going to the Lloyd F. Moss Free Clinic, which took excellent care of me when I had no health insurance. I only raised about $50, but every little bit helps. I had 2 fave tattoos, for very different reasons. One was for a friend who had just celebrated 23 months of sobriety, and who loves all things Irish. I did a Trinity Knot inside the AA circle/triangle, and decorated it with "2" and "3" sets of dots. (I had trouble with my henna mix, so please don't judge my work by this!)

The other was for Laura Shepherd. The design wasn't spectacular, but it was amazing just sitting and talking with her quietly. She had slipped a reference to "when I was studying tapestry weaving in France," and I realised that I've known her for more than 20 years but barely know anything about her.

All in all, it was a fantastically fun weekend, and I'm already marking my calendar for next year.

Wicked Witch's Wine Wanderings

2007-09-02T11:56:00.001-05:00

I'm back from my recent trip through Napa and Somona (and a brief stint in Newport News). My pictures are all here on Shutterfly.

Food Meme

2007-08-31T07:21:00.000-05:00

Courtesy of Deborah:

Favorite Gourmet Item: Goat cheese. It's so incredibly happy to be cheese and it makes me happy to eat it. I recently discovered a local goat cheese producer. When you ask her for feta, she hands you a mason jar and tells you to leave it on the counter for a month "until it's good and ready." Perfect accompaniment to a lovely rosé.

Favorite Snack at Home: Homemade potato chips with Stubb's BBQ Rub sprinkled all over them.

Favorite Fast Food item: McDonald's steak-egg-and-cheese bagel.

Favorite Food when Driving: Taco Bell.

Favorite Food with a Beer (or other libation - please specify): Duh--goat cheese and rosé.

Favorite Food for Invoking Romantic Intentions: Lamb. Tomorrow's our anniversary--guess what's on the menu?

Least Favorite Food: Beans. Any kind of beans except limas.

Food that Conjures a Childhood Memory: Fried egg sandwiches.

Food that Conjures a Sad Memory: Ham. In college, right after I became a vegetarian, I arrived at Nanny's house to hear "she's been cooking a ham for you all day!" I didn't have the heart to disappoint her, so I ate it.

Food that Conjures a Happy Memory: Pancakes. Growing up, they weren't just for breakfast. We always had them for dinner on Shrove Tuesday. In my freshman year of college, Deborah called me on Shrove Tuesday and said, "You're coming over for pancakes, right?"

I tag Krystal.

From Sea to Shining Sea

2007-08-19T19:56:00.001-05:00

I leave tomorrow for my California winery tour. After I get back on the red-eye, I'll be at home for just a couple hours, long enough to do some laundry. Then I'm headed off to Virginia Beach to reset one of our stores.

Have I packed? No. Have I really even thought about everything I need to take? No. Well, not exactly. I have my next knitting project ready. At least I've taken care of the important things!

Weekend Recap: A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

2007-08-07T14:01:00.002-05:00

(Click the pic for a better view.)

New Toys

2007-08-01T21:49:00.002-05:00

I've added some shiny new toys to my blog. To the right, you can see what I'm knitting (I'm still new, so the picture won't change very often) and what movie I've seen. At the bottom, you can see what wines I've had this week. I drank some, I sampled others. It's one of the few perks of my job.

How To Succeed In Business Without Even Trying

2007-07-29T14:34:00.001-05:00

Have a penis. All these years, and no one has told me that I needed a penis. Yes, kids, I got screwed out of a promotion. "Steve the Stockboy" is now the Wine Manager, despite the fact that he knows remarkably little about a) wine, b) our products, c) how to run the store, d) how to do inventory/shelf review/stock lists, e) management. Suzie will be running The Virginia Wine Experience, Steve got a promotion, and I got a ticket to California.

Despite the royal screwing, I'm really looking forward to the winery trip. I'll be visiting: Ferrari-Carano, Ridge, Von Strasser, Reverie/Daydream, Twomey, Silver Oak, Caymus, Baldacci, Chimney Rock, Terra Valentine, Domaine Chandon, Titus, and Duckhorn.
I'll also be dining and tasting with Paul Sobon, The Wine Group, and Chappellet, and having a lobster bake in the caves at Chimney Rock. And those are just the highlights!

Mah Kitteh

2007-07-20T15:57:00.000-05:00

Photos by Alex

Going Too Far

2007-07-17T22:46:00.001-05:00

Very sleepy, long day ahead. Before setting off for bed, we measured my progress on the shawl, after a full day off filled with knitting. It's a few inches longer than it needs to be, but since it's a shawl, I don't think it matters. I'll bind it off and start on the collar tomorrow. I won't have a chance to start my next project until this weekend, as I have several grueling days ahead of me.

Lots of turmoil at work--so much that I can't even process it all right now. Suffice it to say, I think I'm about to get royally screwed.

Feminist Fun

2007-07-09T12:44:00.000-05:00

Congrats to the ever-so-wonderful CupCate for her new job as editor of Dollymix.

Pirates, Police & Prowlers

2007-07-08T23:19:00.000-05:00

We had Date Night this evening. Alex scored free tickets, and we used our hard-earned dog-sitting money for popcorn so we could do it up all proper. Pirates of the Caribbean was lots of fun, and I'm already wondering where the next one will go.

As we pulled into our street at midnight, we found two police cars at the entrance, one parked right at our driveway. A bit disconcerting, to say the least. Apparently, someone had called in about a prowler, which turned out to be the original masked bandit, a raccoon.

In the Wings

2007-06-30T17:39:00.001-05:00

I'm working feverishly on the Adagio shawl. It's about halfway done. I've already picked out my next project: this Cozy shawl. This afternoon I picked up the needle and some yarn, a rustic red tweed from Caron. I don't care how much grief Suzie and Marianne give me for being an old lady who knits in tweed, cuz this will be gorgeous.

Pretty As A Picture

2007-06-28T09:34:00.001-05:00

Knowing how much Alex hates shooting weddings, and posed photography in general, I snagged his camera at G-Money's wedding to take this one of Cara.

Pain

2007-06-28T09:32:00.002-05:00

I got my money back on Tuesday and took care of everything at the bank. That night, I had my first good night's sleep in several days. The stress took its toll, however, and I've been fighting a migraine since yesterday. There are few things worse than waking up with the sensation that someone is squeezing half your brain like a Nerf ball.

Murderous Rage

2007-06-24T07:21:00.002-05:00

It happened again. Someone has stolen all my money. This first happened back in April , when they took just over $400. I got a new card, which has "Photo ID required" written on the back and stays in my possession at all times. The clever little bastards have stolen my information again and are building a nice house in Brazil with my money. They got $1750 in charges through before the next $3000 was declined. Add the insufficient funds fees, and I am completely out of money.

I'm going to fucking kill someone.

KnitKnacks

2007-06-20T20:24:00.002-05:00

The Double-Seed Stitch Scarf:

The Rob Roy Shawl:

The Adagio Shawl, not yet finished:

Next!

2007-06-12T23:48:00.001-05:00

I finished the Rob Roy shawl. I've been knitting away during nearly every waking, non-working hour since Friday. My fingers are so cramped up that I can barely straighten them out. But it's done and it's lovely. The next 3 days will feature unendurably long hours at work. By the time it's over, I think my hands will be ready for my next project: this beautifully retro Adagio collared shawl.

Ketchup & Musings

2007-06-06T20:35:00.001-05:00

When we planted the new lilac bushes in front of the porch, we found where Mr. Toad lived. I don't think he liked that, and my bumpy brown good luck omen promptly moved house without a forwarding address. I'm told that toads can live for years, and this huge one has greeted me every spring since I moved here almost 5 years ago, so it's possible he has gone to the Great Lily Pad in the Sky. Probably not, though--Junior Toad came out to play last night, so I'm guessing the rest of the family is nearby.

I'm working myself into the ground (nearly 50 hours in 4 days) to get 3 days off. I had originally planned to go to Newman's wedding, but opted to stay home. Instead, I'll get up early enough Saturday morning to start covering the Soap Box Derby, and spend the afternoon at Grandad's 75th birthday party. I may have to bust out Brenda's truffles for that. If you've never been to the Derby, it's really cool, and the art on the cars is amazing. If you can't make it, check the photos on Fredericksburg.com to see if you spot any of my shots.

Let's hope the 29,475,392nd time is the charm. I'm working on a new shawl, having just finished yet another ripple-pattern baby blanket and a double-seed stitch scarf, on which I averaged a one-row/night screw-up ratio. Now I'm trying this Rob Roy Triangular Shawl, featuring 4 different increase methods, all of which are new to me. It took me 2 very frustrating days to make it through the first repeat of the 12-row pattern. Having achieved that, I messed it up the next night, tore it all back to the beginning, and made it through the second repeat. At that point, I proudly showed off my several inches of triangular work to my beloved, who, of course, wanted to know why I'm knitting a thong.

I was introduced to Gin & Sparkling Lemon on that fabulous trip to England that I won in 1989. Tonight, we're reacquainting ourselves. Yum, and good night.

A River Runs Through It

2007-05-27T19:06:00.001-05:00

We decided to spend Lazy Sunday on the Rappahannock. Alex recently snagged a Dagger kayak for a song at a yard sale, and JR had Megan's boat, so we only needed to rent one for me. I have a healthy fear of the Rapp, but have become very comfortable in a kayak, so the trip was just awesome. Thanks to the people at the Virginia Outdoor Center for hooking us up with our gear, and to all the blue herons for standing so perfectly still as I paddled by.

Bugger

2007-05-24T17:51:00.000-05:00

Just shelled out this year's tax return (and then some) to fix the AC. They didn't finish it yesterday, saying they needed a new [technobabble] to prevent [technobabble] in the interior unit. Today's result: the interior unit is shot, too, and will cost another arm and a leg, and probably a few kidneys, to fix.

What's the going rate on kidneys these days?

Dark Star Night

2007-05-23T22:15:00.001-05:00

We went to see the Dark Star Orchestra this evening. Alex scored us free tickets to their show at Innsbrook After Hours. All in all, a fantastic evening. The venue was very nice, the crowd was great (not a single person pissed me off--I can't remember the last time I was in a crowd when no one even annoyed me), and the band kicked ass. Getting there and back was a breeze, not the hassle of going to one of the venues up north. Two enthusiastic thumbs up for the entire evening!

More Mehndi

2007-05-23T13:05:00.001-05:00

Happy Non-Mother's Day

2007-05-11T22:40:00.000-05:00

Don't have kids? Then I'm sure you can relate. Welcome to the weekend where everyone wishes you "Happy Mother's Day," not knowing that you don't have kids. Or where they wish you "Happy Mother's Day," and follow it up with, "Well, you have pets." Always a good one: "Why don't you have kids?"

So to all my fellow non-childbearing friends: happy weekend of childless bliss. May you endure it with good cheer in the face of all the well-meant but badly-bungled bliss of the baby-bearing brigade. Sleep in late, walk around naked, get totally drunk in the middle of the afternoon, and leave sharp objects on the coffee table.

If You Don't Know Me By Now...

2007-05-10T15:04:00.000-05:00

...then you probably won't recognise these peeps, but you should.

Nice job, Eric!

Painted Women

2007-05-10T14:48:00.000-05:00

Krystal and Kendall were kind enough to let me paint them with henna yesterday. I'm learning how to add embellishments like rhinestones and turmeric stain. Not my best work, but not terribly shabby, either.

Bittersweet

2007-05-09T18:51:00.000-05:00

We've been cleaning out the garage, and Alex set aside a bunch of boxes for me to go through. I found one full of dishes, nothing out of the ordinary. But when I realised they were Nanny's dishes, I kept holding them in my hands and staring at them. The daisy glasses with the yellow rim, which she always used for her never-ending iced tea. The kitschy 70s coffee mugs, featuring her morning Maxwell House, with just the right amount of milk and sugar. I sat there, turning the daisy glass around and around in my hand, and then started crying. I'd been thinking recently how many painful anniversaries have come and gone without notice, less painful and less memorable with each passing year. This one, however, I still remember. June first, almost three years ago.

At the bottom of the box, I found a disc. Curious to see what it was, I popped it in my computer and discovered video of my sister's wedding. While it still brought tears to my eyes, they were happy tears. Even hearing "Feet of a Dancer," which had its own set of memories for me, made me smile through the tears.

A Night to Remember

2007-05-06T19:26:00.000-05:00

Interesting wedding last night. Among the highlights, in chronological order: the groom in a holding cell; guests passing through a metal detector; a crazy homeless man with a hospital armband who stole a jacket before being thrown out; and the groom passed out in the bathroom. Good times!

Drugs Are Good, Mmmmkay?

2007-04-29T07:31:00.000-05:00

It's like deja vu all over again. I'm back to counting out a pile of pills for breakfast, and another one as a bedtime snack. I'd thought those days were behind me. Within weeks of leaving home a few years ago, I no longer needed to take 10 (yes, 10) different drugs every day. Over time, I got lax about the ones I really did need, and that's not good. This allergy season has been horrendous, despite quitting smoking a year ago and losing my beloved-but-highly-allergenic Simone in the winter. So I'm back on tons of allergy drugs, plus my regular stuff. Throw in a few days of Z-Pac for my first ever case of Strep, and I feel like a pill head again.

Sigh of Relief

2007-04-25T21:42:00.001-05:00

It looks like I'll be getting a "provisional credit" to my account for the money that was stolen. It also looks like I caught it in time, so we shouldn't have any more fraudulent charges coming through, and that no alternate Me exists (isn't one of Me enough?).

Big thanks to those of you who offered financial help to bridge the gap, and big thanks to Alex for the big hugs.

Don't Make Me Forget I'm Non-Violent

2007-04-25T00:24:00.001-05:00

Someone stole my credit card information. I'm still checking every available source to see if the identity theft went further than that, so keep your fingers crossed. So far, the bastards have milked me for over 400 bucks. I know some people can wipe their asses with that kind of cash, but I'm not one of them. And since it was on a Visa Check Card, it's not about arguing over fraudulent charges--these fuckers have stolen actual funds out of my account.* I'm still working the bank-and-Visa angles to see which one of them plans to stop passing the missing buck and refund my money. In the meantime, I've been wandering around muttering things like "I'm going to gouge out their eyeballs. Then I'm going to cut off their balls and shove them into their eye sockets."

Yeah, pacifism rules.

*P.S. to my bank: I fucking hate Wal-Mart. I don't care if it's a fiddy-cent charge at Wally World--it wasn't me. If you see someone charging $358.32 at a fucking Schwaggy World, you know it wasn't me.

Sun-Dried Crackers

2007-04-22T20:45:00.001-05:00

We survived the 8th Annual 4/20 kayak trip, the third one for me. We couldn't have asked for a better weekend--not a cloud in the sky, a meteor shower, high and fast water, and temps around 80. Despite all the SPF45 (thanks to Amy), we're all burnt, some more than others. This was the 5th time I've paddled that section of the Shenandoah. Yes, I tipped in Compton, but I got back in my boat in the middle of the rapid and finished that bitch off.

It was the bestestestest ever trip.

Little LOLs

2007-04-10T16:03:00.000-05:00

My sweetie makes me laugh.

Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks

2007-03-31T07:41:00.000-05:00

Porter has gone deaf. Fortunately, I trained her as a gun dog when she was a puppy, so she responds to hand signals. That is, of course, if I can get her attention. I'm investigating my options on that one. If you have any ideas, let me know.

I've adjusted to the fact that I can't call her to come or yell at her to stop barking (oh, if only!). But I don't think I'll adjust to the fact that she can't hear me talk to her. No, my babies are not my "furkids," but they are my babies. She's my Pretty Princess Porter Pooky Puppy, my Snuggleupagus, my girl. And I tell her so all the time. It's just strange to realise that she can no longer hear me say, "I love you, my princess. You're a good girl."

She's adjusted just fine. Me...it'll take awhile.

I'm Crying

2007-03-30T19:31:00.000-05:00

Tears are rolling down my cheeks. I'm sniffling like crazy and half-heartedly wondering if my dirty gardening t-shirt sleeve will do. But I haven't laughed this hard in a looooong time: kitty makes me cry.

Advanced Math

2007-03-27T21:09:00.001-05:00

6 Days in a Row
Divided by total number of hours worked
Multiply by X, where X = 3 brutal days times 27 hours of lifting in those last 3 days
Subtract 1 for each bottle of wine consumed
Add Y, where Y = combined total of prescription painkillers and muscle relaxants consumed in the past week
Result: approximate number of hours sleep needed before I wake up and start hobbling around the house

You Light Up My Life

2007-03-25T01:13:00.000-05:00

Alex: I'm working on the landscaping beds. I'm thinking of buying some lights.
Me: That's awesome! Some of those little solar lights that can go all the way up the stairs?
Alex: No, big-assed halogens so I don't have to stop working when it gets dark.

That's when I started to swoon.

Flower Power

2007-03-23T20:56:00.000-05:00

After the first crocus appeared on March 1st, it has been joined by many others. The daffodils have also made their appearance. A few days ago, we started seeing hyacinths in different shades of purple. Today, the first tulip bloomed, and another one will join it tomorrow. It's been fun seeing what new thing emerges each day. Some days, I think I could see them growing if I just stood still for a few minutes. I looked over everything one day before going out to lunch, and I'd swear that they were all bigger by the time I got back.

And yes, Marianne, I will put some pictures up soon!

Lazy Sunday

2007-03-21T16:33:00.000-05:00

I got up at the ass-crack of dawn for my MRI. When it was over, I went back to bed and slept until mid-afternoon. Since then, I've been lounging around in my jammies, drinking Diet Coke and playing Zuma. Every now and then I'd think of something productive I should be doing, but would promptly rule it out. It's been ages since I had a day where I did absolutely nothing. It feels pretty good.

Seeing Ghosts

2007-03-20T07:38:00.000-05:00

The dogs woke me up this morning, barking at something in the back yard. I saw a white cat, just like Simone, walking along the ridge near her grave. Then I noticed an envelope from the vet's office that had been sitting unopened for several weeks. It was a sympathy card, signed by everyone on their staff.

Tunnel Vision

2007-03-19T17:43:00.001-05:00

It's a good thing I'm not claustrophic, as I'm having yet another MRI this week. My collection of self-images in x-ray and MRI media is increasing, and, I hope, my sources of chronic pain will be decreasing. This time, we're taking pictures of my lower spine.

I've switched doctors. While I like my old doctor, he's only really good at colds/flu/bronchitis-type stuff. With injuries, he's just not sufficiently aggressive. He's seen me through a stunning number of injuries in the past 5ish years, and his answers to all of them has boiled down to "take more Advil." I've taken enough Advil over the years to rip a hole in my stomach (literally, not metaphorically), and need Something More. So I'm going to the doctor who treated both Alex and Mark for their back problems. Her first response: "Why didn't you have an MRI yet?" I like her.

Cable News

2007-03-17T08:07:00.000-05:00

I taught myself how to knit cables. I even designed my own rudimentary scarf pattern so I could practise them over and over and over. I'm all kindsa prouda myself right now.

Rooting Out Eco-Terrorists and Pakistanis

2007-03-13T19:02:00.000-05:00

The past three days have been Nothing But Gardening, at least until dark, when the knitting starts again. I attacked the hell outta the bed at the top of the driveway. The rule was: if it has leaves or roots, it goes. The only exceptions were 2 azaleas and 2 rose bushes. Everything else is history. My love of oak trees waned with each sprouting acorn I dug out; by the time I was done, oak trees ranked right up there with Christmas music on my shit list. I also pulled out every weed and vine I could find. I'm not talking about pulling up the little bit above the soil. No sireee, I followed their root structures in every possible direction until they were totally obliterated. They were impressively tenacious, in the evolutionary sense, but in the desirable botanical sense, they were little eco-terrorists, spreading their evil in little cells that would pop up where you least expect it. Okay, maybe I've been watching too much "24", but you get my point.

A few babies got thrown out with the bathwater. I couldn't remember exactly where the Black-Eyed Susans were, so it's anyone's guess if they return this fall. And all the pachysandra ("Pakistanis" was what Alex heard) was taken out. Bob planted it shortly after the house was built, I believe, so they're a few decades old by now, and had grown completely out of control. I donated some to Linda's plant sale and the rest to Ken's new landscaping.

Newly arrived: a rhododendron. I've wanted one for years, and now I have one. And a new rose bush from Jackson and Perkins, the Iceberg:

(I wonder if a blog title using "terrorists" and "Pakistanis" will put me on some agency's watch list.)

Hoe Hoe Hoe

2007-03-11T16:16:00.001-05:00

Me: Honey, do we have a hoe?
Alex: Hehe hehe hehe

Deep Breaths

2007-03-11T11:54:00.000-05:00

The weather gods have decided to bless us for a few days. I opened up all the windows and am sucking down fresh spring air as deeply as I can. The dogs have their own way of celebrating, which involves two-part harmony barking at every sound outside. And now, I'm going out to play in the dirt.

Rain Dance

2007-03-09T01:18:00.000-05:00

I have a 3-day break from work starting this Sunday. As soon as I found out, I started checking the 10-day weather forecast. The weekend forecast is full of rain. Warmer temperatures, but all rain. There are 2 lilac bushes and 5 clematis sitting in my foyer, awaiting warm weather for planting. Every day, as I rush past the lilacs en route to work, I see a couple more leaves pushing their way out, while I simultaneously worry over the snow forecasts. I want to push the Pause button and make them wait until the weather is warmer.

Dammit, Spring, make up your mind! I can plant in the rain, but I ain't screwin' with no snow.

Loneliness

2007-03-05T18:27:00.000-05:00

Delenn is lonely. She loves to play outside with Porter, but inside, she always wanted to snuggle with Simone. They used to curl up together, head to toe, like a furry yin yang. Since Simone died, Delenn has been even more demandingly affectionate than usual. Aside from Simone, she's always hated other cats, so I can't get a kitten or cat to keep her company. I guess I'll just have to get used to typing with one hand and petting her with the other.

Spring is Sprung

2007-03-01T22:05:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day of March. March = Spring, and Spring = Flowers. Sure enough, as I left for work this morning, I found the first bloom of the season: a cheerful sunny yellow crocus about an inch and a half tall. I'm seeing bits of green poking through all the bulb beds already. I can't wait to see how everything looks when it starts coming up.

I also have a bunch of other spring plantings to do, starting this month. It's going to be a flower extravaganza around here, and I'm loving it!

K2tog

2007-03-01T01:00:00.001-05:00

I'm still a knitting fiend. Tess now has 2 mistake-ridden hats. I also made a scarf for myself. The drive to and from Philly gave me time to finish it. It's a narrower version of this ripple scarf pattern. I hit up the mill end bin at ACMoore today for a whole bunch of new yarn, and have started making this two-strand scarf. It's all simple increases and decreases, but the logistics of it took me awhile to grasp, and working with two strands is challenging, to say the least.

I'm learning to be kind to myself. I can look at the ripple scarf and see every mistake, every dropped stitch, and every amateurish attempt to fix it up. Or I can look at it and see a lovely white scarf in soft boucle that I am proud to wear. I'll take Option 2, please.

Achy Breaky Back

2007-02-28T09:38:00.001-05:00

I finally received my x-ray results yesterday. I didn't understand everything my doctor said, because I was listening more to what he wasn't saying than to what he actually said. What I did hear, though, was "degenerating disks" at the base of my spine, "arthritis," "calcium deposits" and, the kicker, "it will only get worse." Yikes.

When I visited him for the sciatica, he prescribed physical therapy: three times per week for three weeks. Yeah, right--like that's going to happen. I can't afford all that time off from work and all those co-payments. Besides, the point of the therapy is to strengthen my back. My back is pretty damned strong already. I bet my doctor can't lift a keg.

You've Got Mail

2007-02-28T09:35:00.000-05:00

We received someone else's magasine in our mailbox yesterday. I certainly don't need to read the article on "how to gain 10 pounds in 10 weeks." I could've written it myself.

All Creatures Great and Small

2007-02-27T00:40:00.000-05:00

Aleah's funeral was today. It was awe-inspiring to see how many people were there, for a baby that most of us never got to meet. Aleah spent more time in the hospital than she did at home, and even after her discharge, she was so compromised that she wasn't up for visitors. The visitors all made up for it this evening, however. People no one expected to come were there to pay their respects; people no one expected to cry were wiping their eyes.

I am no good at saying "the things that should be said" on occasions such as these. In fact, I did exactly what I did after Marty's funeral, and bolted for the exit as soon as it was over. Manda and Jason, I'm sorry I couldn't say Those Things I Should Say, but please know that I feel them in my heart, just as I know you feel love for both of your daughters in your hearts.

Some Babies

2007-02-23T01:56:00.000-05:00

Some babies are too good for this world.

Some babies are so good that they can only endure the pain of this world for a few minutes. Some are so good that they can not endure it at all. Some babies are so good that they must take two forms, only one of which can exist in this reality. One can only hope that the survivor carries her twin in her heart, even if she never spoke her name.

If you're of the prayerful sort, please say a few words to the deity or life force of your choice for Manda, Jason, Ada, and their beloved Aleah.

Pain in the...

2007-02-21T22:08:00.001-05:00

I've had back problems since 1984. No biggie, for the most part. It's usually a couple days of pain and taking it easy, then all would be well. Not this time. After 3 weeks of muscle relaxants, Percoset and heating pads, it had gotten worse. Diagnosis: sciatica. I had x-rays this morning to see if there are disk problems, but I won't know the results until tomorrow. Depending on what they show, we'll decide if I need an MRI. If I keep taking the drugs, I'm functional, but I have to time them properly so that I can drive. This evening was the worst--pain that was, quite literally, blinding. I've never experienced pain like this before, and hope to the gods that I never do again.

I'm well on my way to building a replica of myself out of x-rays and MRIs. So far, I have my right hand, both ankles, right shoulder, chest/abdomen, and lower spine. Considering I've never actually broken anything but my tailbone, that's quite a collection.

Justice

2007-02-18T10:56:00.000-05:00

You wanted to tell your story. You wanted to have your day in court. Well, you got it. Guess what else you got? Nothing. Zip, zero, nada, zilch. Not a single penny.

I try to say Goodbye and I choke

2007-02-14T00:35:00.000-05:00

I still see Simone. We've been building crafty things all weekend, including an ottoman that I upholstered. I left the batting remnants in the living room. Last night, I came around the corner, saw the soft white pile, and thought it was her. And then I cried. Alex, bless his heart, understood and simply held me while the tears flowed. After the third time I saw it/her again tonight, I had to put the batting away. Part of me wanted to leave it there so I would still see her. I suppose this is like when Missy died. It took me years to stop hesitating on the landing, thinking the moon drops were her spots as she slept outside my bedroom.

Life Resembles Art

2007-02-12T20:44:00.000-05:00

This has been my avatar on FredTalk for awhile. Tonight, I chopped my hair back up to my shoulders. As I sat down to relax with a glass of wine, I realised I had become my avatar. Freaky.

R.I.P. Simone

2007-02-02T12:29:00.000-05:00

Today, we buried Simone under a pine tree in the backyard. She was wrapped in her favourite blanket, the one we used to snuggle with back in the apartment when she was a kitten.

Thug Life, Part 2

2007-01-28T09:07:00.000-05:00

And now, Simone has entered the fray. We're talking about a tiny cat, very old, who was always afraid to go outside. Now, she's a happy little jungle bunny. A jungle bunny who is missing half the hair on one of her feet, with the exposed skin looking raw and a bit bloody.

I don't know who these little girls are fighting, but they seem to be holding their own.

Great

2007-01-28T01:25:00.000-05:00

My neighbours, whose only contact with me is when I help them chase their wayward weiner dog, have gotten another puppy. Teagan has spent the past 2 days trying to herd the poor thing when it comes into our backyard, and Porter has spent the past 2 days trying to chase it away as an invader.

Voila!

2007-01-23T19:21:00.001-05:00

Model A: 15 months old.
Model B: 16 years old.
Same hat.

Wish Me Luck

2007-01-23T14:09:00.000-05:00

I applied for two jobs earlier this month. I've already been through the interview and offer process with one of them, which I promptly rejected. No great loss--it was another retailer and I really, really, really want to get out of retail.

The second job just called me. I have an interview next week. Of course, I need new clothes for it, but what better excuse to go shopping?

Keep your fingers crossed.

w00t

2007-01-22T19:47:00.000-05:00

I cleared off my desk. Only took me 2 and a half hours. Next step: filing. That can wait until tomorrow.

Thug Life

2007-01-20T09:43:00.000-05:00

Delenn is the sweetest, most affectionate cat. She's my familiar. She's adorable. And she's a thug. Always has been--I remember her trying to pick a fight with a groundhog when she was only a few months old. When we moved to Fredericksburg, there was a feral cat community living in the Back 40. My backyard became the local kitty boxing ring, and she was usually right in the middle of it.

This morning, she's curled up in the chair next to me, looking quite content. She seems completely unfazed by the fact that the tip of her left ear is missing a chunk, and what's left is covered in dried blood.

I touched it to see if she was in any pain. She rolled over and asked me to rub her belly.

Whoops

2007-01-19T09:08:00.001-05:00

I tried making a sweater last night. The stitches are all basic, but the yarn is a bitch. The collar stuff is like trying to knit strands of false eyelashes. The main yarn is this double-stranded shiny stuff. I'm still unsure how that will be, as I didn't get more than a few stitches into it when I realised I was doing everything backwards. So I'm going back to basics and working on another baby hat. Tess is going to have a complete wardrobe of mistake-ridden hats at the rate I'm going.

I <3 Vimrod

2007-01-18T06:20:00.000-05:00

Fairy Fun

2007-01-16T21:58:00.000-05:00

The Money Fairy, who last visited us in February, has graced us with her presence again. I found a seemingly random check from my company in today's mail, a reimbursement for withholding too much at some point. The amount is almost exactly what I wanted to set aside to spend in California. This rules.